I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
