This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
