I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
