I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize