I want to walk on stilts...naked
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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