return my video game
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
