i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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