I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
