Where did you get a picture of my penis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
