Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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