Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
