Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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