My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
