Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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