When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
