Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
