just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
