I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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