Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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