Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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