so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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