I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
