did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
