im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize