How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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