I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize