The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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