can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
