just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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