I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
