Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
