I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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