do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
