why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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