drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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