I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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