Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
