Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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