I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have fence marks all over my body
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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