So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
