I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
