My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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