I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
