No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
