I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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