Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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