I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
