My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
