Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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