no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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