woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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