Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize