Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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