Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your penis caused this!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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