Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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