I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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