remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
