Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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