my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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