You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
