So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
