I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
