And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize