I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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