He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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