Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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