Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize