I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
