what day is it and did you see me today?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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