if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
