New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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